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Louche Badger
(being the sad tale of
a badger who, through reduced circumstances and general lack
of scruples, resorts to appearing in countless wildlife programmes)
Sleeps all day, comes out at night
Dramatic entrance, then exit stage right
Ratings go up when he has a fight
Louche Badger
Louche Badger
Media tart
Microphones catch even his smallest fart
Knows both his lines off by heart
Heavy burrower, deep in debt
Prescriptions from a struck-off vet
Can only afford a black and white sett
Louche Badger
What do they pay?
Peanuts, and mealworms and a ball of hay
The stress is making his hair go grey
Louche Badger
Louche Badger
Waiting for opportunity's knock
Maybe badger recipes against the clock
Or "tonight Matthew I'm going to be Tommy Brock"
Where now for your career?
Hibernate for half the year
Then spend the summer on Bournemouth Pier
On the bill with a ventriloquist deer
And a high wire squirrel too fond of beer
Wondering how did you end up here.
Oh dear
Louche Badger
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